Safe
by Rjalker
Summary: River's mind is deep, and dark, and dangerous. Light is hard to find, as scattered thin as it is. But it's there, nonetheless. (Rated T for blood, death, and mentions of violence)


The sound of music drifted her away. Dirt and trees longing for wings faded into dust and shadow.

The crunch of the world turning around her boots, the far away song of little souls finally set free in the distance, rocking against the ears of her mind.

Cold draped its shadow over her as the sun his to play.

She followed the music.

Pulled at her feet, tugged at her limbs, sorted through ancient memories, looking for the missing file.

Open grass beneath her feet, beneath her shoes. The sound hummed through the dirt and into her bones.

Shadows at play flitted in front of the sun and away again, drawing her in.

A spark of worry. Conclusion. Relief.

Viper. Diamonds sewn into his sleeves.

A few faltering steps, blinking in the sun. Following. Hesitating.

...Wondering.

"Come on, get up here, girl!" A call to arms?

To follow.

Movement all around her, fish swimming in a sea. Discordant thoughts swirling in the drink, dizzying the bird fallen into their midst, wings too heavy to fly.

She watched them. Their feet.

Their fins.

Her eyes tracked every flicker through the water, and her wings learned to lift themselves again.

Her feet moved across the ground, better to see her school. Mouth whispered words not meant to be heard. Calculated. Memorized. Drew a pattern. Plotted a projected course.

And fell into motion, each step gauging reaction.

The colors spun around her, unflattering and circular. Not wrong. Not bad.

Fun.

Hands opened to hers, a welcoming smile, feet slowing a fraction. An invitation.

Her fingers clasped warm hands, and they swept off into the current, twirling and spinning through the waves.

The music thrummed through her. Her feet danced off the ground. A smile framed her face in light.

She could see the sun.

She knew what she was.

And her soul expanded like wings from her back with every step she took.

The world slashed itself in half with dark intent. Desperation and uncaring anger.

The eagle circling the snake, and it's shadow had just passed over e rabbit's burrow.

She fell to a stop. Wings shattered on her back, feathers drowning around her, bogged down with water that didn't belong to her.

Swooping talons and speeding beak. The serpent feels the shadow too late.

Carried away.

The current shoved at her, off balance, drowning again, sinking, her rabbit's fur and kicking limbs dragging her deeper.

The sky was gone. The music tugged at her, the dancers called. Whispered to forget.

So easy to forget. Let the current sweep her along. Drown the memories. Drown the voices. The secrets.

Her fists best against her rebelling skull. No! No! No!

Not allowed to forget.

Shoved the music away. Braced the earn against her feet. Rabbit's ears flicked to catch the feather drift of sky against wings. The glitter of scales in the sunlight.

She moved with purpose.

The dish swam on without her.

The trail consumed her. Time lost its meaning. The sky faded beneath dark boughs thick with bursts of lift. Warmth buzzed past her on insectile wings brushing her skin and raising the hair on her arms and legs in a shiver.

They sounded like needles. Floating and jerking in sudden stops and starts, never letting her get too far before they were in her again, burrowing into her, into her eyes, asking her what she saw.

Too many memories. They weren't hers. It wasn't fair.

She wanted to force them away. She wanted to. More than anything.

She couldn't.

They swept around her, a flood of broken images, shattered memories, stumbling her feet and slowing her progress.

Knowledge hummed at the edge of her awareness, stalking like a panther in the darkness, it's teeth bared with bad wishes come to worse ends.

She was a child again. She had nothing else to cling to. Her fingers dug into the planet where she fell, and she clawed her way back to her feet with a tree has her hand.

She was looking for her brother. Simon. He wasn't a viper yet. Hadn't settled. Wasn't quite sure.

He was hiding from her, amongst the secrets she wasn't supposed to know, and the memories she wished she didn't. She was supposed to find him. He'd left clues. Written letters. Dropped scales for her to follow. Just like he had followed her Snow White clues. Seven words, seven lies, seven needles in her eyes.

Her mind scrambled.

Two by two, hands of blue two by two, hands of blue, old Claren fell down and never stood again, but young Maris ran and ran, and refused to lie down ever again.

She heard him before he saw her, the rattle of his fear like scales against her skin. She followed the sound with her feet, her eyes forced to watch as-

-"River!" Simon was shouting. Telling her to run. She'd found him. His presence sent her thoughts spiraling back into childhood innocence, and she smiled despite his worry.

"Found you!" She called, her mouth forming a breathless smile, "Found you!"

She was shoved against his side. Rough hands and worse throughts. Eagle shadow looming over both of them, waiting for the go to snatch them into the sky. Didn't want her. Useless rabbit. Needed a snake. Needed its venom so they could turn it into medicine. Just as soon drop her off a cliff as keep her around.

Programming fought to take hold, instinct surged. Defend. Do not allow damage to be sustained. Protect secrets at all costs.

Secrets, too, that turned her eyes to the ground. Programming. Best response for the current choice. Quiet submission.

Their thoughts wheeled like shadows around her. Threatening. Shifting. Poking and prodding. Testing. Plotting. Cabin ready. Waited a long time to find a snake. Couldn't afford to feed a rabbit. Skin and bones, she was, wouldn't last a month. Make sure she wouldn't even last that long.

Scared of her.

Could see her eyes reflecting in their shadows. Saw her with her rabbit's ears laid down across her back. Stretched on her side, not her choice not to fight.

Simon's fear chased her throughts in circles. Didn't know what was going to happen. Didn't know what would happen. Afraid of what would happen. Didn't want to think. Couldn't stop.

Fear clawed its way up her throat with bruising fists and leering grins.

Dress her up like a forearm doll and show her off. Secrets fluttered past her like birds in a storm. Feathers twisted and bent, couldn't fly anymore, up to her to catch them and sort them out. Color by color, shape by shape, song by song, two by two...

Under her breath, under her lungs, a whisper, this time. Knew better than to shout. Little souls would be afraid. Try to run away from her anger.

Meat grinder.

"Ever see a herd try to stampede when they ain't got nowhere to go?" Adopted voice. Adopted words and accent. Stolen to give her fear and confusion sound.

Snake shook her shoulders. Trying to draw her eyes to his. Scales rough against her skin. The world turning beneath her feet. She turned her face away, dizzy.

Couldn't remember what the sky looked like. Lost in the woods. Lost in her body. Lost in her mind.

Couldn't see the forest for the trees. Couldn't see the trees for the forest.

Leaves falling all around her, blurring her eyes and cutting her with their edges. Broken bird wings and feathers spiraling down, secrets. Hidden deals. Key members of parliament had sanctioned the program. Not to be touched. Above reprimand. Beyond all authority. Secrets to be kept at all costs.

Eagle shoved the scales away. Snarled to keep moving. Wished for a bullet to her head. More trouble than she was worth. Bullet to the brain pan, squish!

Feet were forced across the spinning dirt. Rough hands on her shoulder, shoving her forward. Snake wasn't allowed to help. Stumbled. Fell.

Knees skinned on rock. Blood rolled down milk-white skin and left bits of dirt where it traced.

Thought she saw glass where the rocks were. Breath caught in her throat. Air in lungs.

Shoved herself to feet, defied the planet's core that wanted to pull her down. Sung to her like a lullaby. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more. Wouldn't lie down. Would never lay down. Wouldn't lie with glass in her feet on the kitchen floor with her hand grasping toward the sun.

Fingers around her arm. Bruising. Skin and bones, she was.

Resisted the urge to run. Walk. Walk. Don't run. Wasn't allowed to put a bullet to her. Wanted her to run. Wanted a reason. Put a bullet to her. Run. Run. Run.

Worry. Of. For. Same thing.

Snake was afraid. Saw the eagle's intent. Saw the bruising grip on her arm. Saw her urge. Begged with his eyes. Normal. Walk. Please don't provoke them. Walk.

She walked. Couldn't stop the tears in her eyes. Couldn't stop them from falling.

"Lost," she whispered. Nothing else for it. Couldn't cry. Couldn't shout. Wasn't allowed. "Lost in the woods."

Secrets, thoughts, memories, cascading. Couldn't see the trees for the forest. Couldn't see the forest for the trees. Couldn't see anything. Hands fumbled to grip serpent scales.

Pain in her chest that wasn't hers.

Awful lot of blood. Might need a preacher...

Simon was talking. Reassuring her. "They'll come back, once they figure out what happened, they'll come..."

His voice lost its will. Paper crane growing wings and lifting into the air.

Never coming back for you. Dark shadows on the words. Smug. Dripping with eagle screams. Stupid rabbit. Drop her off a cliff. Wasn't getting paid to bring idiots when they were supposed to get snakes. Wished bullets weren't so expensive. Put one in her brain right now.

Snake hands on her shoulders, gentle, tense, afraid. Guiding her feet over the spinning of the world she couldn't hope to make sense of.

Could do the math. Calculate the velocity. Couldn't stand the spinning. Didn't make sense. Too loud. Could hear the grinding of the teeth. Earthquakes lurking below her toes, waiting to drown the world in their fury.

Claren didn't mind the broken glass. Stepped right through it on his way to the window. Sliced open his feet all to the bone. Slipped in the blood that ran out. Cut his legs, then, too.

Didn't care. Didn't mind. Just wanted to feel the sunlight on his skin.

Fell down. Too much red on the floor. Didn't matter. His hand lay in a pool of sunlight, and the rest of him soaked itself in copper.

Maris cried when she found him. Dig her nails into her arms and screamed her sorrow to the ceiling.

Ran out of the house. Ran and ran and ran and ran.

Never stopped running.

Her feet stumbled, thoughts conflicting. Forgot who she was for a moment.

Maris, or the weapon?

Eyes on her. Watching her. Recording results. Every move written down. Uncaring for her pain.

No one cared.

Stopped caring a long time ago.

Snake hands on her arms. Begging them to stop. Something was wrong.

Biting her knuckles. Tears in her eyes. Words in her throat that weren't hers. Cursing them, the snake, the eagle, the dog and bird, the falcon, and the paper crane.

Arm hurt where fingers dug in. Skin and bones. Muscle deteriorated. Atrophied. Endless simulations. Too many deaths. Too many deaths. Calculate. Simulate. Test. Program. Test. Test again. Keep testing. Reduce to a skeleton that trembled at its own weight.

Feet against the walls. Legs scissored. Hand gripping metal. Shh. No one looked up.

Rabbits couldn't climb. Became a spider. Hadn't taught her that. Hadn't been expecting it.

Would expect it now. Had felt eyes on her. Dead eyes. Couldn't raise alarm, just repeat back what they saw.

Needles in her eyes.

What do you see?

Maris stopped running whe she found a sleeping man. Dead eyes on her, too. Shook him. Shouted in his ear. Pulled his arm. He didn't wake. Didn't mind the noise. Didn't mind the pain.

Didn't care.

Just wanted to sleep.

Heavyness in her limbs. Dread in her stomach. Didn't want to see. Didn't want to watch. Didn't want to know. Not her secret. Not her fault. Tried to turn away-

-Screams in her head and behind her eyes and rattling her bones and shaking her limbs.

Nails bit into palms. Knuckles turned white. Eyes blurred.

Fingers digging into her arm, marching her along.

Kept walking. Head down. Eyes submissive.

Don't walk. Don't run. March.

Good little soldier. Little weapon. March.

Maris didn't march. Too slow. Always ran.

She walked. Let the sound of snake's thoughts guide her feet. Tree, dirt, and more, countless tiny little souls beneath her boots.

Tears she couldn't stop. Wished the fingers would release her so she could lean against snake's side. Didn't like the emptiness on her skin.

Wanted to run, hide, fight, anything. But the secrets in her head froze her limbs, forcing her into compliance. Endless calculations. Weigh the risk. Weigh the risk.

Take a step out of line. Try to run. Try to shake the hand from her arm. Bullets too expensive. A fist was free.

Do a lot of damage with a fist.

Too risky.

They marched on into the darkness, and she allowed herself to be swept up in the water that rushed past her.

It was best not to think too much.

Lost herself in dreams. Couldn't push away. Overshadow instead. Paint over the old colors. Still see them. Not as bright. Give her feet a balance. Calm her heart.

Always fluttering. Like a bird's. Snake didn't know why. Didn't understand. Hadn't been like that before.

Couldn't see the blood. Couldn't hear the screams. Beat at her ears and burned her hands.

Dreamed of broken glass and uncaring smiles. Running feet and dead eyes.

Snake didn't understand. Couldn't.

Regret like poison filled her veins. Clogged her throat and filled her mouth and poured new tears from her eyes.

Broken glass and feathers all around her. Only one who could see them. Only one who would ever see them.

Swept her feet off the ground, drifted her along on silent emptiness.

Eyes saw nothing. Ears heard nothing.

His herself behind fake colors, falter memories. Couldn't tell what was real anymore. Didn't matter.

A flower, offered from dog jaws. Fetch. Pretty all the same. Didn't mind the drool. Didn't mind the betrayal in its petals.

A brush through her hair, gentle against her skull, her thoughts, calm and quiet even against the pain and fear. A lemur's smile, soft voice. Gentle hands and fingers, gentle water, warm and shallow.

Hard to be afraid next to the lemur.

Skin smelled like happiness.

Darkness fell deeper.

Her feet hurt against the ground.

Spin against her toes softer. She floated, disconnected.

Drifting.

Hawk feathers at the edge of her mind. Understanding. Made perfect sense. Wasn't angry. Confused. Amused. Happy.

Lemurs laughing softly, whispering about scales. Red one wanted to buy a gift. Offer a pebble for the snowy nest.

Darkness fell.

Limbs grew heavy.

Not as young as before.

Thoughts spun at a slower pace, refused to stop.

Never find peace.

Wooden cabins. Torches. Smiling faces.

Praise The Lord, they found a doctor.

Didn't notice the rabbit. Invisible. Wanted the serpent's scales to the them off one at a time until blood was left.

Unsettled thoughts at the edge of her ears. Silent voices, screaming words. Voice scared away.

Sickness. Fear. Mother with a gun in hands billets were expensive. Didn't care. Put one to the sister, then to the skull. Would have put one to her if not for silence.

Tiny soul, hidden trembling behind door as blood washed her feet and turned them red.

Never spoke again. Too afraid. Thoughts all in a whirl. Thought it would happen again. Didn't want to die.

Distracted the thoughts. Led fumbling feet with surety.

Had smelled familiar memories on the wind. Hidden steps and secret laughter. Hurry before they see. Out in the darkness like an ocean under the stars. Light like a boat behind them.

No swimming, no drowning.,laughter and whispers.

Hand reached to pluck memories from dark branches, dropped them down for questioning fingers and unsettled thoughts.

"Good to eat." She said, reaching for more, "Good memories beneath the moonlight."

Huge fingers learned to luck down their own memories, and she filled her dress with them.

Brought them to snake, worry leading her through the unfamiliar dark.

No boat here, no memories. Lurking eyes and hands wishing for bullets.

Scales against her skin, still together, not pulled apart yet.

Worried voice, hissing rattle. Fear and relief.

Showed him the memories, and he swept them off her gently. Ruin her dress.

Dress didn't matter. Didn't like. Too many feathers woven in. Beyond repair, now. Have to be burned.

Smiled, pressed one of the memories to pebbled snake lips and flickering tongue. "Have to keep up your strength." Water where grass was. No mother bear to call them back to the ship, no dog to carry them back asleep. All on their own, lost in the woods.

Didn't matter.

Hidden smile. Lies. Memories are poison.

Frantic spitting, couldn't stop her laughter. "Fooled you!"

Serpent laughed ,relieved. Deeper. Was still herself. Could still make fun.

Hope for her after all.

Unsettled thoughts and fumbling feet washed with red, stern steps and raven wings like glass.

Sharp worry, sharper fingers around the arm.

Splinter had bit in.

Memories gone, fear again.

Anger.

Flashing rabbit eyes.

Told secrets that weren't hers. Couldn't stop. Wanted to make the fear stop. Raven claws too tight. Knowledge might loosen.

Already knew.

Amazement. Thought voice had returned. Thought fear had gone. Wanted to do it again.

Interrupted raven's claw with soft sharp words. Reminder. "Ruby can't speak. Voice got scared away." Fingers to throat, traced the vocal cords.

Confusion.

Bewilderment.

"But...if Ruby didn't tell you..."

Confusion turned to fear.

Snake tried to explain. Special. Sick. Traumatized. Unique. Not her fault. Good at guessing.

Lost for words. Didn't know what to say. Didn't understand. Couldn't hear the screams. Couldn't see the violence. Couldn't smell the blood. Didn't understand.

Understood that much.

Recited lines, stolen from dead symbols too old for context.

Didn't make sense.

Didn't have to.

Condemnation.

Stones hiding behind words.

Witch.

Snake reared back, rattle hissing. Diamonds sewn into his sleeves. Snake. Serpent. Medicine. Doctor. Science. Logic.

Rationality in effective against the willingly misguided.

Words fell on deaf ears.

Dragged by the arm, claws digging in. Fear from the unsettled, but pain was gone.

Pulled away to larger prey.

Rabbit stew.

Waking moments.

Thoughts swirled, drowning her. Stampede of feet and yawning eyes. Mad woman, waking them in the night.

Sleepy thoughts and untried actions. Shaped of dreams, half remembered.

Flooded her feet and soaked her fur.

Ground turned beneath her feet, stars wheeled blurring overhead.

Voices, speaking to her. Soft. Gentle. Play the shows have mercy, oh great leader. Play the show. Did she know what he was?

Murderer. Dark thoughts and darker actions.

Dark room.

Ragged coughs.

Fear.

Struggled to breathe.

Breathing stopped by fierce hands and clogging pillow.

Tears. Sorrow.

Play the show.

Humble,and grieving.

Not fit for the job. Reason to take it.

Didn't want power.

Needed it.

Stared at the man, and told his lies. Told the truth. Killer. Murderer. Added a body to the ground. Didn't regret it one bit.

Pain to her head.

The fist with bruising bones smashing into her skull.

Body screamed, voice scared away. Pain stabbed like nails along her skin. Invisible blood only she could see.

Fragile brain. Been poked and prodded too many times. Too many needles. Too many secrets. Too many memories.

Ground slammed into hands, into knees. Spun and shook, the earthquakes come to pass.

Water drowned her senses, and she choked on sobs.

Couldn't breathe, couldn't see, dress of sharp feathers too tight around her lungs.

Eagle. Raven. Cuckoo.

Too many.

Too much anger. Too many wishes.

Brain addled and bleeding, couldn't process information.

Programming stalled. Unable to execute.

Initiate base code.

Scared little girl, lost in the woods.

Pain suffusing her cells, senses gone.

Vocal cords remained.

Sparks against her skin.

Screamed her terror to the stars before smoke clogged her pores, and even pain disappeared.

Fell into darkness with terror in her heart.

* * *

><p>Pain came back first, dull and faded.<p>

Arms, legs, and back stung. Head was lighter.

Soft surface and softer voices.

Hawk and serpent, whispering like silk over her skin.

Dog hid out of sight.

"She gonna be alright, doc?"

Flame cloaked girl. Screams that froze the heart. Blood stained dress and baked skin.

Bandages tight around the pain, holding her together.

"She..." Hesitation.

Wounds would heal. Pain and fear would scar.

Couldn't be sure. Could she laugh again?

"Her burns will heal within a few weeks. They look bad, but it's nothing compared to..." Words trailed off.

Pile of ashes and cracked bone.

Hand clapped on shoulder. Hawk feathers against diamond sewn scales.

"The important thing is that she's safe. Anything else, we'll deal with as it comes up."

No more little souls to scare with her voice. Could scream if she wanted to.

Screams would be like music next to the silence.

Soot blackened skin and deathlike stillness. Worried she'd never wake again. Dead rabbit devoured by flames.

Wanted to open her eyes, show them she was alive.

Voices faded to quiet, too tired to move and see.

Settled for a smile instead, the word drifting with her as the waters of sleep rose around her.

Safe.

In her dreams, she opened her eyes and breathed and laughed.

No mother bear or stern dog to carry them home.

But lemurs and hawk and cat and dogs and serpent and hanging mouse guarded her as she slept.

No need to carry her home.

She was already there.


End file.
